We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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