I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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