I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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