is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize