remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
