Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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