The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
