Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
smell my finger.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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