This is not my ceiling
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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