i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
