The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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