I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
