I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
