Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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