Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
