2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
