Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
