I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My dick has a subreddit
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
