Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You may now shotgun with the bride
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
