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• (415): View more from California

  Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"

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• (386): View more from Florida

  The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it

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• (713): View more from Texas

  I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.

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• (718): View more from New York

  this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies

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• (425): View more from Washington

  So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions

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