On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
