Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
