Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Someone shattered a urinal.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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