Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
