imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
