What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
