One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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