It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
