I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
