i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
