no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
