we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
