I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
As shirtless as possible
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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