i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
