OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
