i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I love you. Go after that dick
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
