And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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