She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
