I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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