Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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