You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
