I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
