and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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