Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
