1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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