saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
