I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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