Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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