ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
