Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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