it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
