Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
