You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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