GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
