you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
