Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
