I hate your face
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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