He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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