I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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