Do you still have your period?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
