Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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