I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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