I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
