So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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