I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
