The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
