i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
