I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
