White coat. Heels.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
