uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
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