I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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