My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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