haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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