I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
