There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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