dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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