Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
