There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
