i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
